The shadows and traumas of childhood that may have been hidden just enough so that we have no way of seeing them.
But they will be replayed in our lives like a movie. They become a nightmare in our lives and affect us for the rest of our lives.
As we begin to understand more and more about emotions, spirit and mind, the more questions we will have.
For example: What are my problems? How did my trauma come about? Why did I become the way I am? And so on.
Our childhood life is the most important part of our life that affects us.
Whether we are twenty, thirty, or fifty years old, as long as we have experienced some events and do not heal and transform, these problems will remain in our mind and have an impact on our lives.
A careless word from a parent or a small setback can carve a scar on a young mind. Psychology believes that some of the stimuli experienced by people in the early years will form different psychological shadows that will have unpredictable effects on a person’s life.
So, psychologists have compiled 100 events that may cause shadows in childhood.
Now, let’s take a good look back: what unpleasant memories did we have in our childhood? Are they still affecting our character and habits? How can we prevent these shadows from appearing in the minds of our next generation?
- Parents often quarreled and worried about their divorce
- Always thought our parents were perfect, but found out they had bad behaviors
- Parents are divorced
- Family members do not get along with each other or always disagree with each other
- Being in foster care in someone else’s home
- Living in a single-parent family
- Living in a reorganized family
- Waking up in the middle of the night to find that mom and dad are missing
- Not being taken care of by parents
- Parents do not respect the elderly
- Frequent change of babysitters or direct caregivers in the family
- Parents or someone close to them is seriously ill
- Parents or someone close to them has a sudden accident
- Feel that parents do not like them
- Unprepared to experience parent-child separation
- Parents show pessimistic and negative emotions in front of their children
- Frequent moving
- Parents change schools without communicating with the child
- Physical or verbal violence by parents
- Being forced to eat or drink by adults
- Family members scold the child in front of others
- Being teased by adults
- Being cheated by adults for various reasons
- Being verbally abused by adults for doing something wrong
- Asking questions that annoy or ridicule adults
- The child is put in too many restricted areas
- Being forcibly prohibited from crying
- Being used as a punching bag by parents
- Being constantly threatened by adults
- Being severely criticized in public
- Their interests are always suppressed
- Parents always compare the child’s weaknesses with the strengths of others
- Parents often talk about themselves and others in front of them
- No matter how hard they try, they can’t get their parents’ approval
- Often feel the bad body language of adults, such as no good face, etc.
- Being forced by parents to do things they don’t like to do
- Parents always ask their children to do things that are beyond their ability to do
- Parents buy things that the child does not like
- Being forced by parents to dress the way they want
- Raised in the wrong place (parents are too far ahead or behind in their parenting style and do not take into account the age of the child)
- Had the experience of being in a dark place on their own
- have heard very scary stories
- saw violent, bloody, scary scenes
- Been bullied by children of the same age or older
- Heard strange and scary noises alone
- Had nightmares
- Experienced being alone in a strange place for a long time
- Unpleasant experiences with dentists or injections
- Been frightened by friends
- Been sexually harassed or sexually assaulted
- Been punished in public for making mistakes
- Had a lost experience
- Made a fool of yourself in public
- Been punished for breaking something that is dear to parents or others
- Lost a particularly beloved toy
- Been hungry for a long time
- Had a serious illness and had painful treatment
- Been beaten up by someone
- Has been abducted by bad people
- Threatened or intimidated by older children
- Had the experience of being trafficked
- Have been sleep deprived for a long time and never get enough sleep
- Encountered with mental patients
- Been frightened by certain types of public officials (such as police)
- Choking in the pool
- Foreign objects stuck in the throat or in the ear
- Being attacked by animals
- Been placed in a high place, feel the danger and fear
- Been burned
- Experienced electric shock
- Wearing very tight clothes or shoes and feeling uncomfortable
- Had a very serious injury
- Sick from eating certain foods
- Been wronged or treated unfairly
- Being called unattractive or unlovely
- Being teased for being “fat”, etc.
- Being called “stupid”, “dumb”, etc.
- Feeling good about myself, but not always recognized by others
- Not favored by teachers, no “good” things happen to them
- Always inferior to others in the company of children
- The family is in financial difficulties and is often teased by children about their clothes
- Being teased by children about their parents
- Being rejected by others when asking for help
- Being insulted or ridiculed because of some physical defects
- Children always do not play with them
- Always ostracized by classmates
- Material desires are not satisfied, others have things they do not have
- Family members or teachers are biased
- Break up with the best “friend”
- Family members or teachers have betrayed their trust
- Bedwetting is known to others
- Had a teacher at school who was always “difficult” with you
- Losing in an important competition
- A loved one suddenly passed away
- Saw someone else’s family pass away
- Someone in the family commits a crime
- Witnessing a traffic accident
- Accidental loss or death of a pet in the family
- The death of a favorite image in a cartoon
- Witnessing the slaughter of an animal
We can refer to the above 100 events to recall how we felt when we experienced these events.
To give a few simple examples.
One of them is item 8: waking up in the middle of the night to find that mom and dad are missing. Such a child is likely to grow up very insecure, always afraid of being abandoned or left behind in an intimate relationship. However, the more fearful they are, the more likely they are to experience such an event.
Item 14: Feeling that parents don’t like them. Such a child is likely to grow up with low self-esteem and feel that he or she is not worthy of anyone’s liking. They often act withdrawn when building relationships in life.
Then we need to be aware of what harm we have unintentionally done, or what harm we have unintentionally done to the next generation. By understanding and “seeing”, we can mend and repair the cracks created by the trauma.
In fact, each person’s relationship and life situation is closely related to their own spiritual health. We can have a healthy intimate relationship, a healthy family relationship, and a truly happy life when we ourselves are a “healthy mind and body” person.
But when we are children, we are not yet old enough to learn to deal with emotions and heal from trauma, and we are defenseless to everything that happens around us, something that seems insignificant to adults can cause us harm.
For example, if parents use their children as a natural ventilator, some children may even grow up with various psychological problems and mental illnesses of varying degrees, such as depression and anxiety disorders.
In the process of a child’s growth, negative events are far more influential than positive ones.
Now that we are parents, we need to understand what kind of impact our words and actions may have on our children and stop the cause of harm from ourselves. Let your child be a less psychologically damaged person.
If parents feel that they are always in negative energy and cannot control it, they need to consider and focus on their own problem solving and spiritual growth. This is because an unintentional action by a parent can cause a lifetime of accompanying trauma to a child.
So how should parents avoid leaving “childhood shadows” on their children?
- Don’t scare your child too much
Parents scare their children, the main purpose is to make the child feel nervous, scared, obedient to what parents say, but this will cause a certain amount of mental pressure on the child, in the future in a particular situation, prone to inexplicable fear, anxiety, nervousness. If the child’s mental capacity is poor, it may even induce serious psychological disorders.
The child’s fear is just a normal child’s fear of the unknown, parents should promptly take the child cognitive things to eliminate the child’s fear.
- Do not blame the child
Parents should not overly blame their children, some times children make mistakes because they do not know the reason, this time should do more than just blame, but education and guidance.
Parents should not educate their children in public, not in public reprimand scolding and beating children, how small children, dignity should be maintained, in order to let him always confident, know self-respect and self-love.
- Don’t argue with others in front of your child
Parents should try to avoid arguing with others in front of their children, do not let their image collapse in the minds of children.
Parents do not take their children with them when they have an argument, and do not pull their children to stand in line, or the child will directly produce a victim mentality. Growing up in a family that is constantly arguing, children are prone to fear, dread, insecurity, low self-esteem, and the formation of a pleasing personality.
- Don’t let your child be alone in a confined space
Parents, no matter how busy they are at work, should not let their children be alone in a confined space, do not force them to stay in an environment they are afraid of, and try not to leave children who are too young alone. Claustrophobia and other disorders are caused by childhood shadows and triggered by childhood.
Don’t let the shadows of your child’s childhood become “shackles” when they grow up!
In fact, as long as there is sunlight, there is no place for shadows to hide.
To dispel the shadow of your child’s mind, you need to give your child love as hot as the sun.